Funny Breakup Lines that Will Crack You Up

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Some breakup lines are so hilarious, you’ll be lucky not to keel over from
laughter when you hear them, so long as you’re not the victim in the story.

Breakups are bad, and some are just downright nasty. I’ve had a few breakups myself, but one that left a bitter pill in my mouth happened when I was 24.

My ex woke up one fine morning and texted saying he wanted out (yea, he didn’t even have the decency to breakup in person).

My world crashed. I was devastated and it also didn’t help that he gave a laughable reason for ending things.

Here’s the really funny (although it wasn’t so at the time) reason he gave for breaking up with me:

“I met with a pastor who says we are incompatible. If we get married, we will be happy for a while, then spend the rest of our lives sad.”

Seriously? A prophesy? You ended a relationship of three years (filled with love, sacrifice, and friendship all because of a prophesy? (which, I might add, most likely wasn’t true).

That was one of the most absurd breakup lines I’d ever heard and while I can laugh over it right now, it definitely wasn’t funny then.

I’ve heard some other pretty ‘amazing’ breakup lines and didn’t know if I should laugh when I heard them or feel sorry for the receiver.

Hear are some that shocked the bejesus out of me:

“I am the first son of the family and it’s expected I marry from my tribe (this coming after five years of dating.)”

“This is the second year we’ve been having unprotected sex and you haven’t for once taken in. I need a fertile woman in my life. (Huh!)”

“I can’t stand that fact that you chew popcorn loudly whenever we see a movie. It just goes to show you aren’t a well-organized person.”

There’s more…

“You are too perfect for me. I need a real man.”

“I have vowed to only get married to the last son of the family.”

“Our dog barks whenever he sees you. I’m guessing there’s something he sees that I don’t.”

“I realize I’ve gone far from God and need to retrace my steps to Him and I need to be single to do so.”

“I cheated on you with so and so (this is meant to make them so angry they initiate the break-up themselves.”

“I just wish you had insisted on keeping that baby when I suggested an abortion (No, he didn’t!)”

“Although I love you crazily, but if you find another guy who wants to get married to you I think you should accept.”

“I was hospitalized and you had to wait all of 24 hours before checking up on me. This just goes to show I’m not a priority in your life (okay, this breakup line seems a bit reasonable, but listening to an explanation still wouldn’t be out of order here).

There are so many more breakup lines people give and continue to give in relationships.

However, the good thing is, while it’d be painful, even devastating at the time it happened, if you give it a few months to a few years, the pain will disappear and you will actually look back to that day and laugh over how the whole incident went or wonder why on earth you fell apart when it did, I know I do.

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