Everyone has problems and misunderstandings in their relationship. Sometimes it feels like it’s easier to give up. This may be true, but it’s less of a challenge than continuing to go through all the steps. But if you choose to be together despite everything, you can achieve a real treasure.
This six phases happen to so many marriages , and if a love life is capable to scale through this phases, then such marriage is capable to last forver
Not everyone can stand criticism, but when it is very direct and reminds us of an attack, it can become a huge problem, especially between partners.
Dr. John Gottman writes in his book The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that when you criticize your partner, you are trying to say there is something wrong with him. The use of words like “you always” or “you never” is very common and does not lead to a positive result. It is very likely that your partner will start to fight back.
The remedy is to complain directly and not to attack his personality directly.
2. Resistance and obstruction
Most of us have probably experienced a time when our partner has started building a wall and doesn’t want to talk or solve a problem. It seems like he doesn’t care at all and just ignores you.
Dr. John Gottman says 80% of men are like that. It sounds like he doesn’t care, but in fact, he really cares. It’s important to learn to recognize the signs that show your partner is emotionally overwhelmed and not push him.
If the problem needs to be discussed, it’s always best to choose the right time, when you’re calmer.
3. Attraction to someone else
It may not be easy to digest, but 70% of women in couples admit to having crushes. The attraction is a normal feeling and it doesn’t mean they will cheat.
The important thing is not to act on these feelings and to be fully aware of what you are doing. Don’t close yourself off from your partner just because you are confused right now. There may be many temptations in your life, but trust is one of the most precious things in a relationship.
Contempt comes from moral superiority. It can be sarcasm, eye-rolling, and hostile humor, and it is always destructive to any relationship.
You must learn to express your appreciation and gratitude. It’s like a mirror. The more positive you feel, the less contempt you express.
It’s hard to work on yourself, but it’s worth it. Your partner should see and hear that you are showing love, not just irritation.
5. Acceptance and forgiveness
This is the stage where we finally understand that we will never be able to solve problems the way we used to and that we need to find a more peaceful way to live together. Everyone has their own way of doing things: some talk to close friends and family, others read self-help books.
Now we are ready to forgive our spouses for their stubbornness. Accepting the good with the bad takes us to a new level. Fighting is less frequent and we find that we are not as emotional as we used to be.
6. Finally together
After overcoming all the steps, work, and pain, you get a real gem. You no longer struggle together, you have your own agreements with your partner, and you learn how to solve problems and not run away from challenges.
You now share a story. At this point, you understand that marriage has not been easy, but you can be proud of yourself. Appreciation is very important. It allows you to feel safe with your partner. You are finally together.